It’s been awhile since I’ve had anything to say. Sometimes it goes that way. I’ve been writing since, well, probably for as long as I’ve known how to read and write. Before then I used to make up scenarios in my head that were so real in my imagination that I sometimes still have trouble separating fact from fiction when I remember my early childhood.
Later in childhood I came to the realization that most people don’t have strange scenarios and stories and conversations between “made-up” people playing like background music inside of their minds. I came to refer to all the inner noise crowding my small head as my visions, and by giving my creativity a name, I also empowered myself to share these visions with family, friends and classmates, which I continued to do so for years and years.
I am a born storyteller. I am a writer. Not so strange, after all, just wonderful.
Sometimes I lose the drive to write. Sometimes I tuck things inside of myself and have very little to say. I used to worry about it and try too hard and beat myself up over the fact that I couldn’t write and may never be able to again. With age comes the ability to appreciate moments of silence. So I have been silent.
What have I been doing? Oh, this that and the other thing, as my mother used to say.
This: the holidays came and went and we were crazy busy at the shop the month or so leading up to Christmas. Crazy in a good way. Knitters are usually very prepared and organized people, and so they sent their loved ones in to shop with detailed wish lists and ideas. Still, we put in long hours and put out lots of energy, and it was heaven to take a few days to enjoy family, good food and moments of quiet to catch up on my reading and knitting.
That: an x-ray, ultrasound, and blood tests. So far, everything has come out either fine or inconclusive. Those who know me well know that I have been plagued with digestive issues for most of my life. It was assumed early on that the intense pain I was experiencing is related to my gall bladder. An ultrasound determined there are no gall stones. The symptoms persist and sometimes they are unbearable. The good news is, I can mostly grin and bear it. There’s a CT scan scheduled for February and fingers are crossed that I finally get a diagnosis.
The other thing: taking more time for me! Resting as much as possible and eating more healthfully. That was my new year’s resolution for 2011. I work too hard sometimes, and I try to accomplish too much at one time. I am learning to slow down, to take a moment… like the heron we have seen enjoying the view from the roof of our barn.
